That's intense
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
