tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
