If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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