she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize