I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
