My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
