Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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