Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
