I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
