Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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