I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
