C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
