The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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