I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
