And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
