His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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