I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
