Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
