so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize