he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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