I've blown a few things in my day
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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