Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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