You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
