Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
