Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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