im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
