Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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