I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
