u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize