I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
