yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize