i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
