This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
