we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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