I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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