There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
