How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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