In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
