Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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