I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
