Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
one might say we're banned from that church
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
