I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
