now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
