i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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