yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
