I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
