so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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