May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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