it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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