If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
