Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
