Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize