omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
