you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm passing your future prison.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
