did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
