my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
