I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize