i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
