i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
and she was petting her beer can
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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