I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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