Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
