Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
