I got chris browned last night
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
