Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
