Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
