I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
