i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
