Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
