i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
