He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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