if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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