i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
