Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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