just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
