just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You're a waste of cheezeits
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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