dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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