Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
