Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
