I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
