You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
