All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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