the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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