the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
