haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
