i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
