I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I stole a fireplace last night.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
