If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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