At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
