Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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