Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
