I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
