Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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