Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
