i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize