The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
