4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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