I'm going to rape someone's good day.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
