is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he was CRYING into my vagina
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
