omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dear god my vagina.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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