Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
